I did a thing… and I survived.
I thought the ground would eat me alive. ha

Aside  —  Posted: August 9, 2013 by uncannyj in Uncategorized
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If dreams are signs, I’d have my walls filled with it. I woke up with you on my mind, you were in my dreams. A dream that was so vivid it felt real. Waking up surprised, I didn’t really expect it to come. I want to write a poem about it but it’s quite hard to hide between words right now. Funny, right when I thought I can handle being myself around you… my mind reminds me of the things that I am trying to hide.

Aside  —  Posted: July 14, 2013 by uncannyj in Rambling
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Things I want to do before this year ends:

  • Kick Boxing
  • Print my shirt designs
  • Paint again
  • Swimming Lessons
  • Driving lessons -> Driving license
  • Plan my Siargao vacation for next summer

35 Quotes For Introverts

Posted: June 12, 2013 by Thought Catalog in Uncategorized

Thought Catalog

“I’ll be honest with you, I’m a little bit of a loner. It’s been a big part of my maturing process to learn to allow people to support me. I tend to be very self-reliant and private. And I have this history of wanting to work things out on my own and protect people from what’s going on with me.” Kerry Washington
“Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.” Susan Cain
“When introverts go to church, we crave sanctuary…

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A New Song, An Old Story

Posted: June 12, 2013 by uncannyj in Rambling

“When you come around, I get paralyzed
And every time I try to be myself
It comes out wrong like a cry for help”

– from “Heart Attack” by Demi Lovato

It started with a little crush. After years and a few times that I was able to take a peak of her thoughts that teenage crush turned into admiration. But she was in someone else’s world and so was I. Fast forward today I still admire this person and I silently wish to get to know her more. I always end up making a fool of myself though. She makes me nervous inside and I’m always hoping that it doesn’t show too much. Why… oh why? It wasn’t so bad before. .___.

A girl who can’t ask someone out because she’s afraid of rejection. Can you guess the ending? I think I can. I’d end up regretting being such a coward. :/ It happened before, the same old story. I really wish it isn’t that. Who wants to give me some “courage” pill and maybe a little dose of “confidence”? xD

Crush and Break

Posted: February 26, 2012 by uncannyj in Exposed, poems

You felt,
But never melt.
You cried,
But never sobbed.

You have been hurt,
But never bleed.
You have fallen,
But never again.

Those scars in you,
A carved memory.
Those nightmares,
Never leaving, always lingering.

The dark is comforting,
And the night is calming.
You live with a smile,
But sleep with a cry.

A touch is alarming,
And a hug is danger.
Never a single step forward,
As you fade in silence,
Away from it all.

The Crowd.

Posted: June 14, 2010 by uncannyj in Exposed

She walks right into that room, full of chatters and laughs. She looked around, there were more than enough. She passed the familiar faces but not giving any attention. At the center of the room she was there, turning around to get a glance at everyone. There she saw in the corner of her eyes, a girl walking towards her direction. She gripped her hand to a fist, trying not to panic. She thought she’s free from her, or that was herself denying, denying the fact that she’s still running away.

Running away… it isn’t freedom.

The room turned dark… pitch black. She could feel everyone’s stare in the depths of the darkness. Is she gonna run… or try find the light and face that girl, and everyone’s deadly stare.

– uncanny 06 – 14 – 10

***

Its sad how I try to think straight and focus on more important things but ending up to screw my thoughts and myself.

I was traveling back home from my aunt’s house after a day and a night staying with my cousins to check on them because my aunt had to be out of town to meet her siblings. It’s a love and hate relationship between me and traveling. It’s either she gives me time to calm myself or to let me think and ponder past events of my life. Sadly, it’s the later.

I’ve ended up thinking about my ex-girlfriend and how we ended up separated, living separate lives now. I’ve ended up thinking about Alice, and what it could be if we did meet in person. Now I’m actually thinking how it would be if I’ve heard her voice or at least seen what she looks like. I thought I am over with the both of them. I guess… not. Or am I over thinking again, as what I always do?

I can’t deny it now. I’m still aching. I tried to occupy myself with playing online games, chatting and flirting with girls. Actually… it was fun but not as fun as really loving and caring for someone. It seems that I always find myself driven by emotion. Now it’s just so bitter, I almost can’t take it.

You see, I thought of not writing a blog again because it always ends up like this. It’s too dark, sad, and emotional it could sicken a person reading them. My mind looked back and took a u-turn. After reading a story written by a person I know from college I just had to write again. The feelings built up inside me for months now are just too much to hold back in. It was because, the story reminded me of a story I wrote a while back. The theme was similar, “holding back for the one you love”. It just hits all the sore spots, and wounds the scars.

They say, it’s hard to say good-bye. I always find it very true, for me at least.

I just can’t let things go that easily. I just can’t say good-bye to the things I held dearly. Even if I do say bye, there’s always a part of them left behind in me. The memories, feelings, and emotions we shared and kept. I sometimes wish I could turn my heart into stone; incapable of loving someone, untouchable and senseless of the feelings and emotions others could offer. Stone hard… stone hard to be unbreakable.

…so much for wishful thinking eh?